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Writing History

Hi
I'm looking for another writer to help identify areas that 'don't work' and I shall do the same. Positive critque is crucial otherwise I am very liable to end up crying and never writing another word ever again!
Thanks.

Writing Sample

There are moments, blindingly bright in a sea of moments, which are the pivots on which life swings away from the direction one had envisioned and points to a different future. 

This was one of her moments.

She was lovely.  There was no denying that.  Her bobbed, blonde hair a sleek, glinting cap in the early morning sun.  Her happy blue eyes sparkling as they turned up to his face. 

They laughed aloud at something he’d said; the joyous wave of sound that floated through the air was as deafening as a mine explosion to Grace. 

Reaching out, he slipped his strong arms round her waist, effortlessly lifting her off her feet into a crushing embrace as he kissed her, silencing the gurgles of joy.

The sight was eviscerating; Grace pressed clenched fists into the softness of her gut as she watched her life ebbing away through the smoked glass fronting the hotel foyer.

His message had requested that she wait for him in his offices; that he’d be back from his meeting by 9. 

His PA needed to learn to whisper.  She’d overheard him, through the open door, informing a colleague that Donato had arrived.  At the news she’d slipped out, intending to surprise him.

She was the one that was surprised.




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