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Writing History

Hi! I'm an unpublished serious writer looking for an honest critique partner. I write in many genres but consider romance my favorite. I've come to the point where I really feel like I need someone to help me with glaring mistakes I miss that are keeping me from getting published. Any help I could get would be appreciated. I would of course, return the favor. Below is a sample from a Christian novel that's under consideration by an agent (a first for me).

Writing Sample

Callie Packstone almost threw up all over his expensive Armani suit. Then he’d be angry and never feed her again because she blew the best marriage proposal in the world. Oh, this was bad.         

            He gave her an expectant look, watching her from one knee. Here goes, she thought, swallowing hard. She opened her mouth but no words emerged.

            Callie felt strangled excitement tinged with fear, though she didn’t know why. Erik McCombson, her boyfriend of two years handed her a beautiful, no that was too plain a word, stunning diamond ring.

            Perfect, she let him slip it on her finger. Everything was perfect. She looked around. Twinkling stars and flickering candles he’d set out to compliment their private dinner table, soft music dancing on air. She knew he’d gone to a lot of trouble because they were alone on the restaurant’s terrace, overlooking the water many feet below. The waves licked the sides of the boat, rocking it gentle and persuasive. They seemed to be telling her to say yes. Callie knew no moment could be better for a proposal. Why did she feel like someone had just tied a noose around her neck?

            And Erik. He had the looks of a movie star, moves of an athlete and style of Valentino. He also happened to be rich. Very rich.

            His brown eyes held hers with silent concentration, willing her to say yes. His mouth curled with the hint of arrogance worn around him like a coat. He didn’t look one bit nervous either, and she couldn’t help but feel a tad irritated.

            “Callie, it’s a Harry Winston, come on.” He sounded impatient and she wanted to tell him she knew the diamond was Harry Winston; she wasn’t totally stupid. But she just squeezed his hand and smiled, though her chest felt really tight. Oh, she couldn’t be having a heart attack now. Nineteen was way too young. 

          It’d been there all night, along with the knot that had started in her stomach and worked its way up through her throat as their private dinner had progressed. She knew he’d been acting weird by not inviting their friends to eat with them, ushering her off to the deserted terrace with them smiling secret smiles. The romantic table for two set-up had only added butterflies to the

pulsing knot of nervousness.




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